I blew off the driveway yesterday and felt on top of the leaf game; now my neighbor is out sweeping their yard on a zero-turn and I’m not so sure. But my first layer of leaves aren’t hurting anything; they’ll wait.

I told Zoobi yesterday that I’ve never been so ready for a break. “But don’t you always feel like that?”

Some quarters are more physically tiring, but this time I feel numb. Back to back we had exams and then Homecoming week and I lost track of how many times the schedule was made and remade. And while the whole experience was very exciting for the kids, I felt like a line was crossed somewhere. Do we need a game day, a movie day, a pep rally day, AND a parade? And must we dress up for each one? One of the counselors told me she has an entire closet just for her dress up collection. I think when I started working here it took me two weeks to give up on the whole thing: the teachers spend a fortune on striped socks, matching pajamas, 80’s fishnet (!), and costumes of all kinds. But life’s better when you’re boring. At least it reduces the sense of asylum.

It’s interesting to talk to people and get a feel for what life beneath the surface is like right now. The public atmosphere is so hyped with excitement that many are retreating. I’ve talked with kids who don’t want to go on vacation, teachers who want to stay home. All I want to do this week is go through my closet and simplify. And maybe dust.

There’s a sad hunger for what’s genuine, even commonplace. Last week one of the 2nd graders stopped and quietly fingered the leaves of a plant and asked, “Is this real?”

“It’s real. I don’t like fake things: they make me feel fake.”

Kids want to sit in the floor together to draw, or to stand on the cabinets and trace in the sun. They love the smell of wood and ink and paint. They look into my eyes and ask to play guessing games while we color. They come to my desk and stand very close while I sharpen their pencil or show them a missing step. It’s connection they’re looking for, not excitement or pretend.

Last night I went to the football game. The boys systematically destroyed our opponents as the band beat out fight songs and the girls, with precision, led school-color cheers. Chick-Fil-A sandwiches were available for $6. Returning alumni were recognized. The Homecoming court was presented. The queen was crowned.

And then I could come to my real home.

Today is Saturday. I made a pot of tea and painted little inky birds. My neighbors’ yard is being swept clean. And all of Fall Break is ahead.